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Child Inclusive Mediation

INFORMATION FOR PARENTS &  LAWYERS

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Children have the right to be heard when decisions are being made that impact them. Typically, when parents can participate in mediation and develop a parenting plan shortly after separation, it reduces adult conflict and exposure to adult conflict for the children. Mediation is a great tool for parents to come up with a plan that works for their new family dynamics.

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Child-Inclusive mediation involves the mediator meeting with the child or children for individual interviews so that their voices, views and preferences can be heard. Hearing the children’s voices can help parents understand the children’s feelings, thoughts and ideas which can help the parents agree on a plan moving forward. Most parents appreciate hearing their children’s views and concerns and agree that it is in the children’s best interests to be heard. Often when going through a separation/divorce, or parenting dispute, it can be difficult to focus solely on what is in the children’s best interests because it is difficult to ignore our feelings towards the other parent, the adult conflict, our fears and grief. This process allows the children to be heard but ultimately it is up to the parents to make the final decisions while developing their parenting plan.

 

Child Inclusive Mediation can be requested at any point in the process of mediation or later down the road when the children get older, work schedules change, or when you feel your parenting plan needs to change.

 

WHAT DOES THE PROCESS LOOK LIKE?

 

Prior to Beginning:

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  •  Each parent must agree to participate in Child Inclusive Mediation, sign an Agreement to Mediate and a consent for their child to participate in  Child Inclusive Mediation.

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  •  Each parent must complete a preliminary intake form.

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  •  Each parent must participate in an intake/interview with the mediator (typically 1 - 2 hours each)

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**Please remember that Child Inclusive mediation might not always be the best approach for a

child, so the interviews and sharing of information afterwards is at the discretion of the Child Inclusive Mediator and each individual child. **

 

Children need to know that they can trust their parents and that their parents will respect the process and will not express anger, resentment, or retribution for their child’s opinions/views/preferences being shared. The child or children share as much as they feel comfortable sharing with the mediator, then the child decides what, if anything they want shared with their parents. The ability to decide what is shared provides a sense of trust to the child when meeting with the mediator. Most children want their voices heard.

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**Child Inclusive Mediation is non-evaluative and is not an assessment of any kind. 

Recommendations are not made by the Mediator. **

 

Child Inclusive Mediation is not always appropriate and will be determined by the mediator during the intake process with the parents. It is also usually not completed where a child might have to testify in criminal court or if they have recently been involved with the Office of the Children’s Lawyer in a legal proceeding. It is also not appropriate to have a Child Inclusive Mediation if there may be negative repercussions to the child for participating from one or both parents. Although this is a confidential meeting with the child, as with any meeting with a child, if there is disclosure about safety or potential risk to safety, the Mediator has a duty to report to the appropriate authorities.

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HOW DOES THE PROCESS WORK?​

  • The mediator will contact Parent A and schedule

      a time to meet with the child.

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  • The mediator will contact Parent 1 and schedule

      a time to meet with the child.

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  • If a third meeting with the child is needed, then a

      third and fourth meeting will be conducted, with

      each Parent A and Parent 1 to provide equality in

      the parents bringing the child in for meetings.

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  • If there are siblings, each child will meet with the

     mediator individually and not in the same room as

     their siblings at the same time (so each of their

     voices are heard individually)

 

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WHAT DO I TELL MY CHILD(REN) ABOUT WHO WE ARE GOING TO SEE?                 

  • You don’t need to say much, and anything said should be age appropriate.    

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  • Show that you are supportive of the child sharing his/her/their own thoughts and feelings and not those of either parent or anyone else.  

                                

  • There is no need to share details about mediation or anything related.          

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  • Do not ask the child to relay information to the mediator.      

                        

  • Don’t promise your child something for participating or sharing certain information.                

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THINGS YOU MIGHT SAY TO YOUR CHILD(REN):

  • Your mom/dad/parent/guardian and I thought it may be helpful for you to meet with the Mediator who is helping us to develop a parenting plan. The Mediator meets with children when parents separate and divorce. You can share anything you want to and then decide if there is anything you want your dad/mom/parent/guardian and I to know.

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  • The mediator is working with your mom/dad/parent/guardian and I to develop a plan for the family to make sure you have some time with each of us.

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  • You won’t be asked to choose between us.

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  • The Mediator will only tell us what you want us to know.

 

WHAT DO I SAY TO MY CHILD(REN) AFTER THEIR INTERVIEW?

There is no need to ask the child what was asked of them or what they said. The Child Inclusive Mediator will share the information with both parents. The mediator will only share what the child is comfortable sharing within mediation and none of the information can be used for court purposes. It is very important not to question your child about what they told the mediator. If there are any concerns that what is shared may be detrimental to the child, the practitioner may terminate the process and/or not share the information.

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